Descriptive Language in Fiction: Cerebral vs. Visceral

Recently I came across on article on a blog called YA Stands (a great writing blog, by the way, check it here) titled, “Physical Telling: Action Speaks Louder Than Body Parts!” by Nicole Steinhaus (September 10, 2012). Nicole’s article got my attention. Here’s what she said:

“[W]riters rely too heavily on body parts – specifically the heart, lungs, guts, mouths, eyes, cheeks – to show character reactions/feelings/responses. It’s natural, I suppose, to fall back on the most obvious degree of description (aside from flat-out telling the emotion), but that’s the problem – it’s obvious, it’s easy, and guess what? It’s lazy.”

Wow! When I read that, my heart started to race and I felt a sweat break out on my brow. *wink* 

If Ms. Steinhaus doesn’t want to hear about a character’s physical reaction to stimulus or be told the feelings, what does she want to see on the page? In order to illustrate how writers (in her opinion) should write, she quotes from John Green’s Looking for Alaska:

"Dolores insisted that Alaska and I share the bed, and she slept on the pull-out while the Colonel was out in his tent. I worried he would get cold, but frankly I wasn’t about to give up my bed with Alaska. We had separate blankets, and there were never fewer than three layers between us, but the possibilities kept me up half the night."

Steinhaus goes on to explain that she loves this example because author Green “didn’t fall back on the obvious reaction Miles would be having sleeping next to the girl he loves and can’t have. No doubt Miles’s heart was racing and his breath was rapid, palms sweaty – all those nervous reactions.” She points out that the last line of the quote says more.

I agree with everything Steinhaus said in this brief blog post. She’s absolutely right to point to John Green as the master of this sort of descriptive language. I reviewed The Fault in Our Stars here on my blog and think that John Green has written one of the best YA books ever written – maybe one of the best books ever penned.

But for a few days after reading the post, I found myself stymied in my writing. I could see what Steinhaus was saying, and I agreed with her that John Green's work was amazing, his descriptions reflecting his command of language. I felt like, if I need to write like John Green, well, I might as well give up. I mean come on, John Green! He's a master of craft, and more adept than most anybody at creating just that kind of description Steinhaus quoted above. And he doesnt' just spit out one or two gems like that per book - he creates whole books written like that.

I've been known to describe a knotted stomach, a racing heart, or sweaty palms and such. I asked myself, "Am I a lazy writer?" If one relies on physical - or what I prefer to call sensory description - does that imply poor or lazy writing? 

Fortunately, another voice from the writing world came across my vision a few days after I read the Steinhaus post. I’ve recently taken up the calling of reading the Game of Thrones. George R.R. Martin had me hooked just a few pages into the first of his tomes. When I came across an ode to Game of Thrones cookbook, my curiosity was piqued.

This is a lengthy quote from the Introduction to the cookbook, but stick with me. It will all become clear in the end. Here is what George R.R. Martin said in the Introduction to A Feast of Ice and Fire: The Official Game of Thrones Companion Cookbook:

“It is true that I spend a lot of words in my books describing the meals my characters are eating. More than most writers, I suspect. This does draw a certain amount of criticism from those readers and reviewers who like a brisker pace . . . Whether it is a seventy-seven course wedding banquet or some outlaws sharing salt beef and apples around a campfire; these critics don’t want to hear about it unless it advances the plot.

I bet they eat fast food while they’re typing too.

I have a different outlook on these matters. I write to tell a story, and telling a story is not at all the same as advancing the plot. If the plot was all that mattered, none of us wouldn’t read novels at all. The Cliff Notes would suffice. All you’ll miss is . . . well, everything." (Emphasis added)

George R.R. Martin, Photo by Karolina Webb

When I read this quote from George R.R. Martin, I was immediately thrust in my mind back to the Steinhaus article. Now, Ms. Steinhaus is not arguing that there should be no physical description, but she is expressing a preference for what I'll call rational descriptions for feelings. You may also call it cerebral. The writer takes a visceral feeling, like Miles' lust, and uses language to describe it in a way that requires your brain to get involved to puzzle it out. ". . .there were never fewer than three layers between us, but the possibilities kept me up half the night." The readers needs to noodle on this  to ferret out what John Green means. I refer to this as cerebral writing.

And I'm not sure there could be a larger contrast to this type of writing than George R.R. Martin. If John Green is cerebral, then George R.R. Martin is visceral. Here are a few examples of George R.R. Martin's descriptions from A Game of Thrones (Book 1):

"Bran's heart was thumping in his chest as he pushed through a waist-high drift to his brothers' side.

Half-buried in bloodstained snow, a huge dark shape slumped in death. Ice had formed in its shaggy grey fur, and the faint smell of corruption clung to it like a woman's perfume."

.      .      .

 "Dread coiled within her like a snake, but she forced herself to smile at this man she loved, this man who put no faith in signs."

These are but a few examples, culled from the first chapter of the first book in the Game of Thrones (GoT) series, but I think you can see the marked difference in descriptive language each author uses. The GoT is high fantasy. Martin relies on the senses to pull readers into his fictional world. He describes in detail the smells, sights, sounds, and tastes of his fictional world. But he also describes the internal visceral feelings and sensations of his characters. "Bran's heart was thumping in his chest. . ." We all know what that feels like. No need to use cerebral description here. This author wants to put you in Bran's shoes; he wants you to feel that way Bran feels. Sometimes a simple, to the point "heart thumping in his chest" is the best way to do that.

I would hardly call Martin a "lazy" writer. The man can consistently maintain no less than a dozen different "voices" throughout his 700+ page books!

I would argue that both of these writers, John Green and George R.R. Martin, are masters of their genre and masters of craft. They have two diametrically opposed writing styles, but both work.

As I compared these two writers and prepared this post, it reminded me of how we must not get bogged down in didactic truisms, quoted from all corners by those who claim to know the "truth". It also reminded me that we can learn from all kinds of writers. The best writing teachers, in my opinion, are the ones who recommend that you read - a lot - in all kinds of genres and styles. Then, as you sift through it all and allow it to percolate in you, your own style will emerge. Maybe you're a "cerebral" writer like Green. Or perhaps a more visceral writer like Martin. Or maybe you're a little bit of both.

Write what is in you to write, and write it the way that you prefer.

What do you think? As a reader, which type of writer do you enjoy reading more - a John Green-type cerebral writer? Or a George R.R. Martin-esque visceral writer? Do you have the patience for description, or do you skim over it? Which author do you prefer to read, John Green or George R.R. Martin?

If you're a writer, sound off in the comments and tell me what you think about this.

Interview with Natalie Wright at Indie Author Land

My recent interview with the folks at Indie Author Land has been posted. Come here what I'm up to :-D

NaNoWriMo Week 1: Ass Cramps, Dark Chocolate & The Stats

Greetings from NaNoWriMo Land (that's Nat'l Novel Writing Month for those who can't read gibberish). Thirty days, 50,000 words.

Last year was my first year as a participant in one of the looniest pledges I've ever signed on for. It was a fool's errand. "Hey, let's try to write 50,000 words in the  same month that you launch your first novel," my subconscious said. I should have bitch-slapped myself, but instead I signed up for the craziness.

But lo and behold, somehow or other I managed to "win" NaNo last year. I banged my fingers on the keyboard until I had pounded out 50,000 words in just thirty days. Okay, truth be told, to get my word count I wrote almost 10,000 words the last day. (Don't try that one at home kids. I couldn't hold a pen in my hand for two days and I swear, a year later, I still have an ass cramp from it.)

Here I sit, a year later, and I did what I swore back then that I would never do again. I signed up for another month of self-punishment, sore shoulders, and self-induced pressure to create a 50,000 word masterpiece in thirty days. Wait, scratch masterpiece. I'm just hoping that most of the time I use complete sentences and that when I go back to read over my draft, I haven't just typed the same word over and over again until the word count says 50,000.

We're at the end of week one and I can say that I'm feeling slightly less like I want to punch myself in the head for signing on to this than I did a week ago. I've not only been able to put butt in chair and write every day (despite some strange happenings that could have been roadblocks), but I'm having fun with the ideas that are flowing. Mind you, I did not say pleased with the writing. The writing is crap so far. But if I learned anything my first year of NaNo, it is this: Don't worry about the writing. Don't focus on crafting beautiful prose. Instead, focus on letting the ideas flow and have fun!

Before November 1 rolled around, I worked the snowflake (as I suggested others try in this post), and I felt good about my plan when I typed the first word just seven days ago. Two days in, I didn't like the feel of what I was producing following my plan, so I melted the snowflake and told the characters to show me their story. That's when things got interesting. I've got some rudimentary pieces, now, of what the novel will become. I'm starting to see the structure that the story is dictating. And as always, my muse is so much wiser than me. The story that's unfolding is much more complex than the one I'd originally planned - and more intriguing. It will be unlike anything that I've done before and I'm enjoying the feel of stretching my writing muscles in this new - sometimes scary- way.

So without further ado, here are my stats for week 1:

15,466 - The number of words typed so far
22 - the number of cans of Diet Coke swilled during week 1
1 - number of trips to the hospital for a surgery on my 10 year old daughter's broken finger
122 - the number of times my daughter called out 'Mom!' over a three-day period while recovering from surgery (Okay, I'm making that number up and it's probably an exaggeration, but it sure felt like that many.)
21 - the number of Hershey's Dark Chocolate kisses eaten during week 1 (Okay, I'm making that number up too. I stop counting after my allotted three each day. Probably safe to assume it's double that ;-)
2 - Number of hours each day, on average, I write to produce my word count.

In conclusion, week one felt good. I've been rewriting/revising two novels for the past 11 months, so I'm enjoying producing completely new material. And so far, I have not allowed the detritus of life (there's always something) to stand in the way of my commitment to myself to get this story told.

Next hurdle on the horizon: Sister-in-law visiting and staying in our house, while her brother (my husband) competes in a 60-mile bike race, leaving me to entertain said sister-in-law. Any suggestions?!

How about you? Are you participating in NaNoWriMo this year? If so, what strategies do you employ to stay true to your commitment and write each day? And please feel free to share any stats you'd like in the comments :-)

Happy Halloween & Samhain!

Graveyards and Portals and Spells – Oh My!

Me and my family of zombies
Halloween, 2011

Halloween is my absolute favorite time of year! I grew up in the Midwest where October meant a chill in the air, fallen leaves, hot chocolate and football.

Now I live in the desert where it has been known to be in the ‘90’s on Halloween. Now, instead of worrying if our costumes will keep us warm, we consider if it will make us sweat!

But I’ve found the Halloween spirit flourishes in the American desert southwest. Adults and kids alike don costumes, trick-or-treaters come in flocks of faeries and vampires, ghosts and Harry Potters. Our neighborhood is like Mardi Gras carnival, a giant block party with food, wine and happy kids running and swirling, hyped up on sugar.

The fantasy writer in me loves the opportunity to be someone else for a night. Each year I ponder – Will I wear a saucy, sassy, sexy costume (leaving my frumpy shorts, T-shirt and flip flops in the closet)? Or will I go for the scare factor with some spooky contacts, fake blood and face paint?

While writing Emily’s House (Book 1 of the Akasha Chronicles), I researched ancient Celtic myth and lore. For the ancient Celts, the holiday that we now call Halloween was known as ‘Samhain’ (pronounced SAH-win). The Celts believed that the end of October/beginning of November was the best time to commune with the spirits of the dead and to go to the “other” worlds. The Celts had a strong belief in the existence in worlds parallel to our own. The legends are full of hapless souls wandering into the “Otherworld,” and when they found their way back – if they found their way back – those they had loved had long ago perished.

It was believed that around Samhain, the ‘veil’ between the worlds was at its thinnest, thus making it easier to slip between the worlds. So be careful on Halloween not to accidentally walk into a portal!

Day of the Dead Festival Goers
Tucson, 2011

Isn’t it weird that other cultures around the world have a similar belief? I live less than a hundred miles from Mexico, so my hometown of Tucson is enriched by its Mexican-American roots. In Mexico, they celebrate the “Day of the Dead.” In Tucson, there is a parade that ends in a festival with Mariachi bands, Mexican dancers and a festival atmosphere. It is a time when families visit the graves of their deceased family and friends, leaving offerings of food and flowers. Isn’t it strange that a half a planet from each other, two different cultures have a belief that around the end of October is the best time to converse with the spirits of the dead?

Do you think it’s coincidence? Or is there something to it?

Whether fact or fiction, the spookiest time of the year is just too fun not to use in a story! In Emily’s House, Emily and her friends have to poke around an ancient Irish graveyard at night, looking for a magical object. Then they end up at the Sacred Well – a portal to the Netherworld – on Halloween! Perfect time to ‘pierce the veil’ and travel to another dimension.

In Emily’s Trial, Emily once again has some portal hopping to do. Lucky for her, Halloween is near! And what better place for a teenager and her friends to be on Halloween than a cemetery, complete with a full moon and crypts. What will happen when she opens a portal to another world in a graveyard, surrounded by the dead? Will the spooky energy of such a place affect her spells?

I had a blast writing Emily’s Trial! I hope you enjoy reading it :-D

Excerpt of Emily’s Trial:

The Apocalypse didn’t start with four horsemen, harbingers of the horror to come. It didn’t start with a plague, or pestilence, or even zombies rising from the dead.

It came slowly and without warning. It crept up on people in the shadows, no more than a vague darkness that spread like an unseen cancer.

And it wasn’t set into action by a divine hand. A teenage girl was the catalyst for the End Times.

I should know. I’m the one that started it.

I didn’t plan to. I didn’t want to start the End Times, and I’m not evil.

Madame Wong taught me to tell the truth, and so here it is. I’m the one responsible for the Apocalypse. And this is the story of how I unwittingly unlocked the door to the darkness; of how a Priestess of the Order of Brighid, entrusted with powerful magic that was supposed to be used for the benefit of all humankind, unleashed a force that would destroy it instead.

And it all began with desire.

Spellbindingly Fun Blog Party

Welcome to some Friday fun - the Spellbindingly Fun Party in celebration of the release of a fun novella written by one of my newest writer friends, Janice Horton. You can click on the picture to go see her blog and get your copy of How Do You Voodoo by Janice Horton. It is FREE, but for today only. And use hashtag #voodoo to follow the party on Twitter all day.

But before you run off, first you must check out my spell.

Janice gave us the task: Create one spell, but no curses. She gave us a fun ingredient list and we were off to spellcasting.

It was hard choosing a spell! But I finally came up with it. How about abundance. Abundance of health. Abundance of love. Abundance of joy. Abundance of wealth. Cast this spell for abundance of all wanted things in your life.

Multum Copia

You will need the following for your Multum Copia spell:

1 Sprig of Scottish Heather

1 charged Moon Stone

3 Dragon Tears

A Pinch of Pixie Dust

3 White Candles

Place all of your ingredients, except for the candles, in a beautiful silk bag, blessing each one. Then arrange your three white candles in a circle, place your blessed bag in the center, and light your candles while casting this spell:

With Scottish Heather

and Stone of Moon,

Abundance come

and none too soon.

The Dragon Tears

and Pixie Dust.

Abundance find me,

this magick a must.

I am open to abundance,

a well to fill.

Abundance in all,

but not of ill.

Love, Joy,

friendship, health.

When my cup is full of these,

the I shall know great wealth.

If you cast this spell, let me know how it works for you *wink*. And if you find dragon tears, let me know where you found them!

Now pop over to Janice's blog where you'll find a list of other fun spells in this Spellbindingly Fun party.

    

Inspiration at 35,000 Feet!

Much of my first novel, Emily’s House, takes place in Ireland. I’d been inspired to write a story partially set in the Emerald Isle, but I’d never been there! As I finished the first draft, I knew that I had to go to Ireland before I could finish my revisions.

But there was a problem. I didn’t have the money to make the trip. But that problem was solved when I won a trip to Ireland in a radio contest – true story! (Read this post for more on that story.) Less than a month after I’d prayed for the opportunity, my plane touched down in Dublin.

It was magical to traipse around the Irish countryside, roughly following the path that my characters tread in Emily’s House. I smiled so much my face hurt!

That's my head, peaking from behind an Irish Megalithic stone

Before I left for Ireland, I’d envisioned Emily’s House as a single novel, not a series. Written for a late tween to early teen audience, Emily’s House is a classic hero quest. Emily learns of her ancient magical heritage; journeys solo and learns secret knowledge from a wise mentor; receives magical objects; and then defeats the bad guy and saves the day. A grand adventure for Emily and her pals. One big story. The end.

But on my way back from Ireland, cruising at 35,000 above the Earth, something happened. Maybe it was the lower-than-normal oxygen level. Or perhaps the white noise hum of the engines created stillness and focus. Whatever the reason, my mind was open and my imagination flowed.

And there, 35,000 feet in the air, three titles popped into my head: Emily’s House, Emily’s Trial, and Emily’s Heart.

On that flight, Emily told me that she had more than one story to tell. In Emily’s House, Emily was faced with obstacles, to be sure. But I hadn’t challenged her as much as I could. I wanted to see what would happen if I pushed her to the edge of the cliff. All I needed was a juicy catalyst of a challenge.

By the time I touched down back in the U.S., the theme of book 2 was clear to me: Fear.

What if Emily’s worst fears began to come true? What if her friends’ nightmares became real?

My initial premise was born on that flight in September, 2010. And by the time I touched down back in the U.S., I had a brief outline of Book 2, Emily’s Trial.

Last November (2011), I gave myself a challenge and participated in NaNoWriMo (Nat’l Novel Writing Month). The goal: To write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days.

 My family ate out of boxes and bags for much of the month, but I achieved my goal. By December 1, I had the first draft of Emily’s Trial written! It was an incredible challenge to push myself to write that much each and every day. The truth is, usually I’m a sporadic writer. I may write for eight hours one day, then not write at all for a few weeks.

But I soon found that total immersion in the story for thirty days straight was a blessing. I ate, breathed, slept and dreamt Emily’s world and characters for a whole month. And as I lived with them, they spoke to me more clearly than they ever had. The characters took the story to places I hadn’t imagined. And I ended up with an ending that required me to go back and rewrite the beginning!

It was wonderful fun for me, as a writer, to explore the theme of fear with these characters. Poor Emily – I pushed her so hard! But the reward is a character-driven action story that tests long-held friendships and loyalties.

I had so much fun writing Emily’s Trial! I hope you have fun reading it J

Emily's Trial, Book 2 of the Akasha Chronicles

I may be crazy, but I’ll be doing the NaNoWriMo challenge again this November, and banging out a first draft of Book 3, Emily’s Heart.

So think of me this November, foregoing decent food, sleep, fresh air and Facebook as I write the last chapter of Emily’s amazing journey. Will Emily rise to the challenge left her at the end of Book 2? And will love flourish in Emily’s Heart?

I’ll see you in December ;-)

Happy reading!